| You probably
knew from a very young age there was something wrong with you. You were the 6 year
old kid who destroyed all his toddler ride-on toys when he figured out how to tie knots.
You couldn't figure out how to keep the wagon-handle from getting bent every time
you stopped & it rammed the seatpost. Your sister's dolls all had road-rash. You
heard a lot of yelling about your bike not being a train. You are not alone anymore.
Hey it's not your fault you're stricken with WS, so screw
your dysfunctional family (they never loved you anyway) and make the best out of it.
Join the Annual Super-Bowl Sunday Toy Drag this year & wear that WS
with pride!
The
Toy Drag started out by chance & just happened to be on Super-Bowl Sunday.
Desperately trying to avoid cheap beer & chips two or three mountainbikers headed out
and found a horrendous load of trash dumped near the tracks. The sad thing is it
wasn't even trash really, it was a big pile of perfectly good toys. Pissed at first
the mountainbikers started kicking around the pile when the WS
compulsion kicked in. A Fisher Price Spider thing & a Bubble Mower were attached
to the bikes with vacuum cleaner cord and the ASBSMBTD (Annual
Super-Bowl-Sunday Mountain-Bike Toy-Drag) was born. The toys rolled, flipped,
dragged & caught on trees. They dragged them through the Cowboy whoop-de-doos,
the tracks, the rail-trail & ultimately down-town where the Bubble Mower struck many
car fenders & eventually wrapped around a parking meter sending the rider & bike
into a Wile-E-Coyote crash that ended in a vacuum cleaner cord wrapped heap.
The rider & bike survived & the Bubble Mower was repaired just in time to
terrorize a local radio personality Eric
Logan (who claimed at one time to be a mountainbiker, but this has never
been confirmed) & finish up with a lap around the park. Reactions to the event
were varied, some on-lookers cheered, others jeered, but all who saw noticed. Many
who were not there later expressed that they wish they had (obviously closet WS
sufferers). Unfortunately no photos of the event are known to exist.
We hope this
tradition will raise WS awareness & continue to save us from
cheap beer & bad commercials. We encourage all victims of WS
to participate in this yearly event. Start your own or better yet join the original
this year (if we survive the Apocalypse) held in Scranton (obviously the home of the
Apocalypse), PA & not really sponsored by the Mountainbike Militiamen Movement
on Super-Bowl Sunday (whenever that is).
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