|*Murphy's Laws of
- Every mountain biker is Gods gift to the trail, at
least in his own mind.
- If you cant make it up the hill, its not
because your bike sucks its because youre fat & lazy.
- Retrogrouches are pessimistic, stingy, and nostalgic.
- Technoweenies are status grabbing, snobbish, yuppie
- Land developers are filthy, greedy, blood-sucking,
no-good rotten son-of-a-bitchen-bastards.
- Number of people who will show up for a ride = number of
people who said theyd come -6.
- Tube Math: tubes needed for any given ride = the number
of tubes you have + one.
- Helmets dont protect collarbones or rear
- Mail order catalogues undercut wholesale prices and drive
local bike shops out of buisiness.
- Local Bike shops charge a lot more than mail order for
- How Shtickmano changes a light bulb: First, they redesign
the light, then they design a new tool to install the redesigned bulb in the redesigned
light, then they repeat the process over & over.
- It doesnt have to work better so long as it looks
different and is incompatible with everything else.
- Magazine product tests are all done in California.
- Just because it costs more doesnt mean it works
- You get what you pay for.
- The more you hear the term "freeride" the more
it will cost you to ride.
- That brand new top of the line bike you just bought is
- You had just as much fun on your old beater bike as your
new rig, maybe more.
- Reason your bike broke; you were just riding along and
- When not doing something stupid, bike mechanics are
- Hydration packs take all the weight off your bike and put
it on your back.
- The amount of ride left to get home is inversely
proportional to how hungry you are.
- Cheese is a meal in and of itself.
- After ride pizza math: 3 mountain bikers x 2 slices/rider
= 2 trays.
- After ride beer math: 5 mountain bikers x 3 beers per
rider = 2 cases.
- If you got hungry enough, youd eat a puppy.
- Easy rides can be hard.
- Hard rides can be fun.
- If the main trail looks like a dead end it probably is.
- Whenever someone says the trail has got to come out
somewhere, it doesnt.
- When the ride leader points vaguely at some distant peak
as your destination, check your water.
- When someone says the trail youre on is a
deer-path, remind them that deer dont have wheels.
- Trip math: Number of miles actually ridden +4 ½.
- Murphys bike had Suntour components.
- Just shut-up and ride.
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