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The Adventures of Pennsylvania Jeff

Episode 2: PA Jeff Screams Too

Part 1

Did you ever hear that sound? You're out having a great day on the trails when you hear one of your buddies let out a terrified scream--and then the ride gets even better, because once you know he's OK (& sometimes before) you laugh. You might laugh so hard you have trouble breathing & crash or fall over & then you get laughed at too.  We can't help it, and why should we?   It's funny to see others get scared & the unexpected stuff that makes you & your compatriots wet your pants most often, happens when you're on a ride.

Reptaro & I were leading the weekly shop nightride on a mild fall Thursday a year or two ago ( when I say leading I mean I was at the back to make sure nobody got left behind--yeah, that's it).   We left from the Moosic shop (that's a place--not a sound), and the ride started out pretty typical. It was typical, in the sense that Reptaro had "special plans" and some heavy weirdness was about go down. He'd seen a little campsite near one of the trails along the old Laurel Line several times in the past two weeks that seemed abandoned. Now, being a treehugger (and needing a small tent) he decided we should "clean up the site" if there were still no signs of activity (it's recycling he said). Sure enough he was right, the camp was still untouched. It seemed kind of strange though, because all gear was new--some things still had price tags on them, but we found a big ditch full of empties & figured some kids partying had left it (they probably got grounded for getting mommie & daddie's SUV all dirty). So we unzipped the tent and started going through the stuff. I called the sleeping bag & Reptaro was all excited to find a gym bag (to haul the booty). I noticed there was a complete set of clothes strewn about--some in the tent, some on the ground, & a jacket hanging on a tree. All the stuff was pretty new--including a pair of sneakers, which seemed odd. It got even weirder when we opened the bag, and in it were a bunch of loose papers. What really got our attention was the phone numbers of various social service agencies and the "Released on Parole" form. Now instead of recycling we were stealing from a convict--a convict named Bob who had just been released a month earlier. Apparently he got out of jail, bought the gear, clothes, a lot of alcohol, & blew out of his halfway house to set up camp. Was he coming back, or did he wind up back in the clink? Was he dangerous or even dead? May be it'd be cool to hang out with Bob. Either way, it didn't look good. The tent was half dismantled at this point & we began to hasten our operation when I decided to check the jacket for ID. I felt something in the inside pocket and without a light or thinking I stuck my hand in and felt something strange. I slowly pulled it out and then in the dim moonlight I saw what it was. I must've jumped back ten feet & let out one of my famous a-bee-just-stung-me-where-my-bathing-suit- goes-screams. What scared the hell out of me was a ............

At this point almost everyone thinks they know what the object is, but they're always wrong (the most popular answer is "gun"). 

To find out what Convict Bob had in his pocket
Click here to see Part 2
(& no he wasn't just glad to see us--you have a dirty mind)

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